This past weekend, I ventured to Atlantic City to go fishing with Erin. I’ve been to “AC” several times before and usually prefer to drive there. This time however, I decided that driving “by myself” and spending quite a few hours in the New York/New Jersey weekend traffic in deep conversation “with myself” in which I tend to answer “myself” wasn’t the best mode of transportation.

Erin mentioned seeing an advertisement for the “ACES Train”; also know as the Atlantic City Express Service that takes you directly from New York’s Penn Station to the heart of Atlantic City (making only 1 stop in Newark). It was even nicer to find out that it costs only $29 each way. I figured I couldn’t go wrong.

Immediately upon sitting down in my seat, I knew this ride was going to be an interesting one; the train was packed, there was not one seat to spare, it seemed that every other car came equipped with a mini-bar in which you can purchase drinks (which I later found out cost around $3,000 a piece), and the train smelled as if someone had been walking up and down the train ripping farts for hours. “Alright, fine” I said to myself; “you will be acclimated to the heavenly scent soon enough and you have your iPod and book handy which will distract you from any disturbances, no need to freak out.”

Pleased to see that the train left perfectly on time, I was unpleased to hear the strange voices of small “creatures” that were sitting behind me. Right before I put my headphones on, I heard the two girls in deep conversation about which Casino they were going to spend their night in looking for “hot boys”. The problem was not so much with the “hot boys” component as much as it was their voices; they sounded like Ewoks on helium. I’ve never heard such high-pitched voices in my life. Little children would sound like Isaac Hayes next to these two girls. If they weren’t related, how did they find each other in life? The fact that there were two of them totally knocked me for a loop. Even more befuddling; they had English accents. Go figure, I dare you. Needless to say, the iPod was no match for these screechers.

Then, to my horror, approximately 30 minutes into the 3-hour voyage, some guy who was now probably on his second or third drink, miraculously turned into Barney from the Simpsons; seriously, he sounded JUST like him. As loud as can be, equipped with slurred speech, letting curse words fly as if he were getting paid for every one shipped out of his mouth, this all-star thought that peer pressuring some girls who happened to be in his presence with the good ol’ “you won’t f*cken drink that, you won’t!” bribe would work and get him in their good graces. This went on for the remainder of the trip. I’ve got news for him and anyone else that believes that reverse psychology works; the last time it worked for me was in grade school when I convinced my buddy to take the lollipop off the floor and finish it. Other than that, give it up, try using charm; it’ll get you further.

The train arrived on time and I must say, if it weren’t for these unlucky settings placed upon me, the “ACES Train” really isn’t a bad deal, especially if you are with a group of friends. I probably wouldn’t have been bothered as much if I had someone to complain to while on-board. It also helped that I had a terrific time in Atlantic City with Erin & Company. I caught a sand-shark! I’ll be sure to put the pictures on the site when I can steal them from Erin.

Quickly, the ride back on the “ACES Train” was much more subtle and laid back. I take it nobody was in the party spirit leaving Atlantic City as they were coming. I did however see quite the interesting sight across from where I was sitting; a Discman/CD Player! Yeah, that’s right folks, I said it, a CD Player! This guy pulled out this huge CD Player, opened the lid to make sure his “CD” was still in there snug and then whipped out his huge earmuff headphones and started jammin’ away. I’m sorry if you think I’m making fun of this individual, I’m truly not trying to, I’m just extremely excited to see something that was so “common” 5-10 years ago yet extinct today, be used in public. He was going to town on this thing by the way, must have been some funky stuff; Rob Michael’s Test Response EP perhaps?

Thanks for reading guys,

-Rob

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